My Blank

After thinking about it for a little while and reflecting on the comments I received, I've decided what my ________ is. But first, lets recall the blog post to which I'm referring and explain why I'm not taking any of the advice I got.

So, a few posts ago, I wondered what "trite, but true" thing should stand in for the marriage license, since I can't have one. You know how so many straight bloggers will wax frenetic for, like, six paragraphs, about finding the perfect bridesmaid dress and then boil down all of the bells and whistles of a wedding to one, important thing? They write, "Gee, having so many bridesmaids with different body types is totally stressful, but as long as state-sanctioned love object and I just get married, that's all that matters!" Since my people's wedding knots tend to be a little slippery what's *my* one important thing? With what shall I fill in my __________ ?

Some people said love. I appreciated the comments about the "love" aspect of things, I did. People said that it's just, like, the love that matters -- getting it, giving it, etc. I was especially piqued by the logic of the anonymous commenter that opened up a can of "backyard, bargain-basement Confuscianism" when s/he said that my blank is already filled -- that our meeting, our falling in love, our commitment is like my marriage license.

Alas, love is not my ________ . I already love Lauren. Everyone getting married has love coming from some direction. Love isnt the thing that gets accomplished at a wedding. I'm looking for that tangible symbol, I'm looking for the tangible, accomplishable, symbolic thing.

Other people commented that the ceremony is the __________ , especially if it is religious. Again, when straight people make that declarative statement about "what actually matters" in the face of a stressful wedding detail, most of them aren't referring to obtaining God's blessing. They are referring to the accomplishment -- of marriage, the change, the change in relationship status, tax and legal status, the change most commonly represented by the marriage license. So I'm stoked about the Quakers, especially the wedding contract, but having it on my wall isn't quite the __________ for me.

I've decided it's the rings. They are tangible. They are symbolic. Emminently accomplishable. Universally understood. I can either succeed or fail -- with the rings. There's no shade of grey, rhetorical ambiguity, or touchy feely crap. They will be remembered or forgotten. They will get on our fingers or they won't. Meaningful, beautiful, poetic -- yes. Rock solid evidence to all involved that something got done -- even if no one likes the lasagna?

Totally.